This isn't necessarily a story, it's more of an essay. I wanted to write about this after reading an article this morning about women in power who are seen but still invisible (link HERE). But then again, as long as I'm writing something once a week, then it counts in my book. This is a little bit of my opinion on being a female breadwinner, and being a female who is invisible in the spotlight.
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It seems that there are never enough hours in one day to get everything done, but that's not saying I don't get a good chunk of my todo list checked off. That said, it doesn't really matter what I accomplish in the grand scheme of things, since I will never be looked at as equal to a male counterpart. I can make enough money to retire tomorrow, yet there will still be someone out there saying I could of done more, made more, or been a better role model to women. I've found that in the past few years of marriage that a female breadwinner in the family isn't praised, and that I need to constantly prove to others that I am just as capable as a man to do my job, balance my personal finances, and that I in fact don't think with my emotions for every decision I make. I'm used to it, but I'd be lying if I said I don't get jealous of the freedom men have sometimes.
Ever since I got married my family has been wondering what's wrong with my husband, since he is unemployed. Like he has some type of disease, they think we are constantly struggling with one income. The reality? We are doing fine. It's not like I'm raking in the dough, but I'm making enough to pay for my family to live in a condo in an expensive town and eat healthy foods every day. That, my friends, is an accomplishment. Ya I don't have much in my savings, but thats primarily due to my wedding two years ago that I had to partially finance. Weddings are expensive, and I'm still working through the bills. But it was an amazing night, so definitely worth a little debt. I don't get that feeling of pride from most of my family members about my job status, instead I just get worried calls and frustrating emails asking me about updates on my husband's status. This isn't saying that everyone in my family is like this, but more than a few have been disappointed with me about this fact. Like I can control the job market. Like my husband is purposely not working. Like I am not enough of a person to be the breadwinner. Yep that's me!
My friends have been mostly positive about our financial situation, maybe because I talk to them about everything so they know me the best. When my husband and I go out with new friends, we always get the question: "so, what do you do for a living?" It's really made me think hard about how much American's define themselves by their careers. As much as I love working, I don't want to be defined by my job. That's the last thing I want someone to think about when they think of me. It's weird, and usually we say some baloney answer to fill in the gap, but I just don't like that question. Maybe I'll make something up next time I'm asked. Astronaut sounds plausible.
I for one really appreciate a non-traditional household. I don't believe in typical gender roles, and I think that men sometimes vacuum better than women. I get asked a lot about how I have time to run home and make meals after working so much, and when I say I don't cook what's their answer? Usually always: "oh, you'll learn eventually when you stay at home with the kids". Ummm excuse me? When did I even mention children to you? But if you see commercials these days, there are only about two that show stay at home dads. So it makes sense that the public thinks this way. It's also depressing that the public can't think outside the box. We will never be able to change these stereotypes unless we can change our culture, and that will take a while. Like, my grandchildren will be the first to benefit from my changes today. And that's alright with me, if it pays off for them. If one day they can look back at this biased generation and wonder why the world was so close minded. To be able to see that evolution is progress, even if they have new issues to deal with.
I just wish one day I can stop fighting two battles at the same time: the battle to win the bread and the battle to earn the position of winning the bread. One day.
"Only when women in positions of power become the norm will they be able to fully exercise that power." -Ava Thompson Greenwell, author of article linked at top of essay.
If I offended anyone with this essay, I'm sorry. That was not my intention, I just want to share my opinion. And if you are offended ask yourself this: can you not see outside the box? Maybe your opinions are just as offensive.
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