Maybe it was my only child upbringing, or the fact that I never had any cousins. I was constantly around adults at family gatherings, so talking about the latest Hey Arnold! episode would never work. I had to refine my tastes, soak up some culture. I strived to be as poised as ever to show my maturity. I may not have had any wrinkles yet, but I made sure to scrunch my face up every night to speed up the process.
When I was very young I went to private school. They loved my grown up attitude, and nurtured it. I felt like I had finally found my grove by 2nd grade, when I purchased my first adult book bag for class with my birthday money. It was a high point that I will always cherish.
By 4th grade, my parents divorced, and forced me to switch to public school. It was a terrible transition, well, along with the divorce obviously. Public school was not regarded highly in my group of adult stuffed animals that I met with each week to discuss foreign policy, among other relevant worldly topics. So imagine my embarrassment breaking the news to them. Yes, I did cry afterwards.
I still wanted to wear office clothes to class, carry a brief case instead of a backpack, and walk around in business heels, like I had done everyday in private school. This, to my dismay, was not accepted at public school. All my classmates thought that was weird. After all, I was still in Jr. High. But that didn't mean I should be forced to wear surf brand t-shirts with weird logos on them or worse, SKORTS! Ugh...
So I played the part. I dressed down, threw on some jean capris instead of a pencil skirt. I wore those jelly bracelets that were all the rage in the late 90s. It pained me to hide my true identity, but thats what you have to do to fit in, right? That's what every person wants, to be accepted some how.
I got through middle school hiding my adult tendencies. I only read non-fiction novels at night, never carrying them around in my book bag. I watched 60 minutes secretly from the hallway to our living room. I never talked about how much I envied Lesly Stahl's amazing journalism either. I was living a secret life, and I was okay with that, until it all got to a breaking point.
When I turned 18 I decided, enough was enough, I can't live like this anymore! I had to live my secret life in the open. It needed fresh air, deprived for so long in the dark. Locked away for my eyes only. But not anymore. At 18, I was legally recognized as an adult. It was the happiest moment of my life! I registered to vote that same day, crossing my fingers I would get jury duty. I got as many collared shirts and slacks as my part time income allowed. It was so nice to be accepted as the adult I had always been, my true self.
Now, whenever I hear a friend mention how much they wish they could go back to childhood, to those innocent days of playing with toys and stomping in muddy puddles, I cringe. Those days never belonged to me, my soul belongs in this stage in my life. I love doing taxes, paying for insurance, and furthering my career with night school. If this doesn't make sense to you, it's because you were a kid once. You embraced that experience. But if you can relate to me, even just a little bit, you were born to be an adult. Welcome to the best time of your life.
*While this is a fictional story, some elements are true to my life. I really do love Lesly Stahl, she's way rad. Also, this story has a subliminal analogy, did you pick up on it?
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