I think it's important to recognize your past and learn from the negative. She said something that I think is incredibly profound:
"We all create our own version of normal that we use to compare events to."
(That's probably not the direct quote, sorry mom, I can't remember it exactly).
But right? I mean this makes every thought we have be biased and one sided, how in the world can we truly promote equality? Just got me thinking about all those issues...maybe for another time.
I also talked to her about what I remember from her divorce with my dad, which is so silly once I put it into words. I remember it was dinner time, and I wanted my parents to fight just so I didn't have to finish my plate. Plus, I knew I would get ice cream once they were done, so, win-win for me! So weird to think about that now.
We also talked about how divorce shapes your outlook on relationships. I didn't have any friends with divorced parents, so it was really hard for me to relate to them. I kept moving around friend groups, having "new best friends" each school year. Nothing really felt right until college. Small towns aren't great for diversity (obviously). Man, if I only had my college friends in high school, I would have been a whole lot less angry (sorry again mom!).
I told my mom how lucky she is, and me too I guess, that her parents are such a good example of marriage. They've been married since the dawn of time it seems, and even though they aren't perfect, they still persevere together. Marriage is the toughest thing I have ever done, and my fear is that I will give up at some point because that's what I'm used to. That's what I've been around, even if it's a while before it happens. And that's okay, at a certain point you have to throw in the towel I think. It takes two, and you can only do as much as one. In my mom's case, she did do everything she could, it just was a compatibility issue (in my opinion) and maybe if she had had divorced parents she would have made a different call on her first husband (but I'm glad she didn't because then, you know, I wouldn't be around to bug her!). It would have been a different normal for her. I just hope I don't give up on something that can be fixed, and it's just me not meeting in the middle because I gave up too soon out of fear or frustration. *I'm in no way in a bad marriage by the way, I just have a fear that's all. Just FYI!*
Anyway, it's interesting, and very rewarding, to talk to my mom about marriage. Great day!
Visit her blog right HERE!! Promise you will love it!
Had to get a pic with our sunnies and without (doesn't my mom have some rad shades? I thought so too!)
