Not So Scary Movie Alternative Plot Summary: Evil Dead (2013 version)

So I told my bestie that I wanted to watch more scary movies, to get pumped up for Halloween of course, and that I would describe them to her in a non-scary way.

**THIS IS IN NO WAY A PROFESSIONAL PLOT SUMMARY, ALL THOUGHTS ARE MINE, AND MIGHT OFFEND SOMEONE IF THEY DON'T TAKE IT AS HUMOROUS. Please don't be that person that says "stop cursing so much" or "using 'dumb bitch' is offensive" because its SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY AND IN NO WAY TAKEN SERIOUSLY. So if you can't handle that kind of humor then don't read this post. If you still leave a negative comment after all this, well then you are literally a dumb bitch and should probably learn how to read better.

Ok here's Evil Dead (2013)
IMDb

FAST FACTS
Director: Fede Alvarez
Writers: Fede Alvarez, Rodo Sayagues, Sam Raimi (this guy is dope btdubs)
MPAA: R
My rating: I'm wondering if it shouldn't be an NC-17 rating, its super graphic in gore and the sexual content is horrifying. I mean, the demon enters her body through raping her (while she is tied down) and the C-word is thrown around quite a lot. If anything, it's misogynistic where it doesn't need to be.
Genre: Horror
Budget vs Gross: $17 million // $54.2 million (USA)
Studio: TriStar, Film District, a few more/etc
Slugline: I can't find one, so I guess it's just this:

The Most Terrifying Film You Will Ever Experience

Not very inventive or unique, but I do like how they say "experience" rather than "see". Makes it a little bit more personal.

**Since there is a ton of blood in this film, I'm going to replace it with the word Skittles because that is incredibly less gory.**

Alright, so it starts out in the woods, with this chick running away into a foggy cluster of trees. Obviously she gets captured, duh. No one ever makes it out of a thicket of trees, not even Bambi's mom. Wait that might have been a meadow. Whatevs, you get the point. Then she is taken to this basement and tied up. She starts talking in a demonic voice so her dad sets her on fire and shoots her face off. Good parenting in my opinion. So thats the "opener". 

Then whatever time later, a group of five young peeps go to this cabin, two of them are bro and sis who own it. The sis who owns it, Mia, wants to detox off of crack or something, so she dumps it down the well and swears to her peeps that she will kick this habit (we've all heard that before tho). Looks like a huge waste of money to me. It was literally a sandwich bag of crack. Why get all that and then decide to detox? Just flush your money down the toilet then. One of the peeps is a nurse too, btdubs. Not that it saves her, she just has a bunch of meds with her. So they all get together in the cabin and chill out. 

Of course Mia starts having withdrawls and keeps complaining about a smell that only she can smell. Crazy hallucinating beezy! They obviously don't smell it, but then their dog, named Grandpa (hilar!) starts scratching at a rug to reveal a trap door under it. There is a huge Skittles mark leading into it too, so they all go down it to investigate. Really? That's the LAST THING I WOULD DO. I'd be like no fucking way, I'm going home. These people definitely deserve to get possessed if that's the kind of life decisions they make. 

They find a bunch of dead cats and a charred interior. Just looks like a hoarder lit one too many cigarettes if you ask me, but it's supposed to be scary, so just go with it. They find this journal/book wrapped in plastic and barbed wire, and obvi they have to have it. So the nerd-peep gets it and starts doing everything it says not to do. He's not supposed to say the names out loud of the demons in the book, so he does. He's not supposed to even read the book, but he does. Basically he's the dumbest nerd I've ever seen. So the demon is triggered blah blah blah. 

Meanwhile, Mia is walking in circles outside in the pouring rain, scratching her skin and talking to herself. She sucks at detoxing. And don't drug addicts have secret stashes? Why doesn't she just get that and calm the fuck down? But whatever, then she barfs and decided to get the fuck outta this place because she sees a girl in the forest all demon-y and possessed watching her and she thinks she's seeing things. Obviously its that dumb demon that the stupid nerd "triggered" or whatever. Idiot. 

She grabs the car keys and drives the car off into a lake. She sucks at driving, although she had her eyes closed for most of the time, dumb. But she really feeds into the women-are-bad-drivers stereotype, so not cool. Thanks a lot Mia! She swims outta the lake and starts walking through the forest when this swamp-y chick starts chasing her. It's obviously that weirdo she saw earlier in the forest outside her cabin. So she, and I'm not making this part up, starts running WITH HER EYES CLOSED. Are you kidding me? SO DUMB. She obviously trips, starts rolling down this hill, and lands in a thorn bush. Then that demon girl barfs up the demon and it rape-enters Mia. Super graphic. 

So the other peeps are looking for her, and find Mia slouched by a tree, and think oh hey, she's just delusional, lets get her back to the cabin and not believe anything she says. And they don't seem to care that Mia just drove their car in to the lake. Really? That would of pissed me off so much! Mia thinks she's going crazy and takes a shower. But the demon takes over her brain and tries to boil her with hot water but fails because how do you even to that? She just gets some blisters but thats it. Mia's bro saves her and decides to take her to the hospital (finally, right?! geez), but since it's been raining for a million hours straight the roads are flooded. So he's like oh well, lets just go back to the cabin and chill out til the flooding goes down. 

Then Mia takes a shotgun and shoots her bro in the shoulder (which never affects him later on, WTF?) and all the peeps are like, ok, what's wrong with Mia? Like they couldn't tell already that she was possessed! Geniuses I tell ya! And how did she have access to a gun? I guess it was just chilling somewhere but it seemed weird to me. 

So then the nurse-peep goes up to Mia to check her vitals or get the gun or something, and Mia barfs Skittles all over her face. The nurse is like gross Skittles! and pushes her down the trap door. The dumb nerd locks her in there and it's like phew! Done with that! 

Then the nurse goes to get some meds to calm Mia down or tranquilize her or something. Since she has all that demon Skittles barf on her though, she turns into a demon and starts cutting her face up. The nerd checks on her and is like eww! Skittles are all over your face and hands! Then he trips and she attacks him and he bashes her face in and a pool of Skittles is on the floor. 

Then I got on Instagram. Whoops! 

So I guess the nerd is okay, but the other chick, the last one remaining, decided to get Mia from the cellar. Super smart group of peeps here. Obviously demon-Mia attacks her by biting her hand, and the bro has to help this chick out of the cellar (I think that's the bro's girlfriend? I actually have no idea, she's not really in the film that much up until this point). They lock up the trap door with chains and the bro goes to set it on fire, but he chickens out. He's way too attached to his sis. It's weird. So he instead gets Mia from the cellar and decides to bury her alive. I guess the demon book said that was how to get the demon outta her? That might have been said while I was on Instagram, my B. 

Meanwhile, the chick who got attacked in the cellar realizes that her arm is turning into a demon arm, and grabs a meat saw in the kitchen and cuts it off. This blows the cabin fuses for some reason. The bro and nerd find her and are like WTF did you do to your arm?! There are Skittles everywhere. She's like "I feel better now" but we all know she's crazy. Pretty soon she starts attacking them with a nail gun. But then the bro shoots her face off and they are like phew! 

So the bro unburies his sis from the ground, and she is magically not a demon anymore! YAY! (How she was able to breath that whole time is beyond me, but I just went with it again). He's like finally geez you just killed everyone else you dumb bitch. And she's like sorry but you guys didn't believe me that I got raped by a demon, so it's on you. The bro is like okay yeah you're right, lets get the nerd and get the fuck outta herrr. So he goes back into the cabin to get the nerd and tosses Mia the jeep keys--

Wait, I think I am telling this outta order a little. Mia attacks her bro while he's in the cellar getting her out. Then the nerd goes down to help and gets attacked too. Then the nerd gets possessed but we don't know that until the bro goes back into the cabin for him after Mia is demon free. Okay, now we're back on track!

So anyway, the bro sees the demon nerd and is like well shoot, I gotta kill this guy now, so he sets the cabin on fire by shooting the gas cans (why they were there I have no idea) and sets the cabin on fire. Mia is like WTF are you kidding me?! But decides to leave without getting her now crispy bro. She is on her way to the jeep and the buried demon rises outta the ground and trips her. It's raining Skittles btdubs. So she grabs a conveniently located chainsaw and finally gets it started. But the demon smashes the jeep onto her arm, so she has to rip it off to escape (gross!). Then she chain saws the demon in the face and the Skittles rain stops. Then the sun rises and she's the only one alive.

The end!

Story 02

Midnight Dancer

She forgot her sweater. AGAIN. Come on, Jess, she thought to herself, remember better! She rushed back following her footsteps into the auditorium, the harsh lights lining the walkway. She gently pushed open the doors, not wanting to make that loud clacking sound heard by impatient people jamming the push-handle too quickly. She slipped into the third to the last back row and used her phone as a flash light. After a minute or two she found it, her sweater laying on the floor, a little rumpled from the fall. Jess picked it up and stuffed it into her bag.

She took a second to take in the calming silence of the empty auditorium. She had never been in such a loud place when it was this quiet before. She kinda liked it. Actually, she decided to stay a little while and relax, maybe read her book in peace. Why not? Jess shrugged her shoulders a little, thinking to herself. Her roommate was probably being loud with her sorority sisters, getting ready for Homecoming or whatever and she just wasn't in the mood to deal with volume right now. Plus her book was getting really good.

Jess settled down into a seat and kicked her feet up on the seat in front of her. This is perfect, she thought. She got out her book and sank a little deeper into the cushions.

There was a soft swoosh and sweep sound coming from the stage, faintly at first. There was only one light to illuminate it, and it was pretty dim. Jess thought she was hearing the curtains sway back and forth, but just to make sure she looked up and then--there!

There on the stage was a woman, dressed in all black, right down to the pointe shoes. She had her dark red hair in a bun, and her eyes were closed as if she were dreaming. It looked like she was a ballerina, dancing to music only she could hear. She wove in and out of the light on the stage, creating beautiful dancing shadows to be her back up dancers. It was as if she was happy and sad at the same time, like the last hooray of a wilting rose as it opens up before it dies. She was mesmerizing....

Jess's digital clock beeped. Midnight. Shoot I better get back to my room, Jess thought. She grabbed her bag and turned to get one more glimpse of this mystery dancer but--

The stage was empty, just like before. What happened? She was just right there...

Jess had to tell someone, but, would anyone believe her? How crazy is this going to sound...Okay so I saw this ghost ballerina last night in the empty auditorium...

Interior Cravings + Moving Announcements

After getting rid of a ton of stuff before this move, of course I've looked into new stuff to replace all my old stuff with. Here are my top three wants as far as interiors go:

BASKETS
Cattail Hamper Basket Anthropologie $138
Hamper Basket Pottery Barn $179

BOOKENDS AND FIGURINES
TenOverSix Baby Unicorn $218
Anthropologie Eiffel Tower Bookends $68

VASES
Dwell Studio Faceted Black Vases $15
Jos  Devriendt: Matin Large Vases $ not listed

Also, MOVING ANNOUNCEMENT IDEAS. I plan on making them, so here's where I'm getting some inspiro:

Fun:

Creative:

Great colors:

Of course hearts, my fave:

I'll post what I end up with after I design them! Happy Sunday! 

H>M

Tuesday: Things I want but don't necessarily need but still want them

1. Crossbody at TJMAXX $30
2. Southwestern Loafers at Anthropologie $65
3. Ray-Ban Aviators Small Metal $150
4. Eyeko Skinny Liquid Eyeliner $16
5/6. Rifle Paper Co. Prints in ROME and PARIS $40 or 60/ea, depending on size
7. Bip and Bop Sweethearts Necklace $34 (in Gold)
8/9. Steve Madden Heels DREEMEE $130
10. Butter London Nail polish in La Moss $15

Some of these things are splurges (aka the heels, glasses, etc) while some are just amazing products that I love. I really want a monogramed necklace with the initials "USA", obviously because I'm crazy patriotic bordering jingoistic. Also, that eyeliner is the bees knees. Trust me, you will never buy another brand, it's just made right. I find that a lot of liquid eyeliner brushes get fuzzy after a while, but this one NEVER does. It's literally like a pen, and comfortable too. Just get it already geez. 

I'd love to hang those two RPC prints around our new place (moving in a few weeks!), since those are the two countries the hubs and I loved in Europe (separately). Those loafers are my fave print right now, I have a huge thing for southwester print. It's bad guys. Everything else is rad too, but I'm sure it's more obvious. 

Happy Tuesday :)

H>M

Note to Self

Tie your hair back when you are wearing lipstick! Its too damn windy!!

Story 01

On any given day I have an idea for a story or two crawling through my brain, flashing bits and pieces of it's plot onto my eyelids. I try to write them all down, to expand and make them into an actual full length story, but you know, I lose the note or I misfile it, blah blah blah. So I'm going to just write them on this old blog, and file them correctly! Ha! Try to escape me now!

They aren't all winners, so fair warning.

So here's the first of many story ideas I have:

Story 01

She unpacked the last box and slowly looked around. The place was starting to come together, even now. She thought it looked like her, her things quietly perched on shelves, adding soft colors to the otherwise white room. She didn't know what to do with herself now, so she paced the room aimlessly, letting her eyes wander.

The late afternoon sunlight bounced off the corner of a picture frame on her mantel. Too bad that fireplace didn't work, she thought. She brought her face up close to the photo inside the frame. It was taken at her sister's birthday party, outside on their old patio. Well, it was more of a courtyard, but that's not important.

As she looked at it, she noticed the background had an extra something in it. Why hadn't she seen that before? It looked like a kid, maybe? But whose kid was that? No, the head was shaped weird, it couldn't be...

She got her computer out and started researching the house:

-Old restored victorian,
-First family owned it in the '20s,
-Windows were restored using the original glass,
-Youngest daughter died in house due to illness...

What?

Soooo that is a kid then?

Not so scary movie review of a scary movie (for Chloester)

So I told my bestie that I wanted to watch more scary movies, to get pumped up for Halloween of course, and that I would describe them to her in a non-scary way.

**THIS IS IN NO WAY A PROFESSIONAL REVIEW, ALL THOUGHTS ARE MINE, AND MIGHT OFFEND SOMEONE IF THEY DON'T TAKE IT AS HUMOROUS. Please don't be that person that says "stop cursing so much" or "using 'dumb bitch' is offensive" because its SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY AND IN NO WAY TAKEN SERIOUSLY. So if you can't handle that kind of humor then don't read this post. If you still leave a negative comment after all this, well then you are literally a dumb bitch and should probably learn how to read better.

Here's THE FOURTH KIND (2009)
IMDb
Fast Facts:
Director: Olatunde Osunsanmi 
Writers: Olatunde Osunsanmi and Terry Robbins
MPAA: PG13
My rating: R, its kinda disturbing, but I guess the lack of gore makes it PG13
Budget vs Gross: $10 mill // $25 mill, not bad!
Universal Pictures
Slugline (or what I can find of one):

There are four kinds of alien encounters, 
the fourth kind is abduction

Alright, so it's based in this town called Nome, Alaska. Kind of a weird name, right? There are a bunch of missing peeps, and weird events, blah, blah, blah. The main character is a doctor of psychology, and her husband was murdered and/or committed suicide (it's not very clear, but he probs blew his brains out because she was a crazy nut job and couldn't take it anymore). Also she only has one hair style, but that's irrelevant. Just kind of bugged me. By the way, she has two kids, and one is blind from the stress of her dad dying (total faker!). 

Anyway, she is doing all these therapy sessions and everyone keeps seeing an owl outside their bedroom window. All of her patients have insomnia, and anxiety and other stuff that crazy people have. They all say the same thing, and they all say it was weird, obviously, because who the fuck sees an owl outside every night just watching them sleep? Come on, thats obviously an alien. The film keeps going back and forth between a double screen of "actual footage", to make it all the more "real". That was a cool film technique I thought, but didn't really add too much to the story. 

So the doc is like, all these owl sightings are super weird, maybe I should put one of my patients under hypnosis to get more info. So she hypnotizes this guy named Bill or Tom, I can't remember, and he goes crazy and losses his marbles. He kicks over shit and runs around her office screaming, and then leaves because the owl got into his house or something. Then Bill/Tom kills his family because the owl is too scary for him (wimp). And the doc is like WTF is going on? And starts crying. She cries a lot in the movie, its super annoying.

At this point I was thinking, hmmm, maybe don't put anyone under hypnosis ever again and we can go on with our lives. But of course this dumb bitch decides to continue her work because "her husband would of wanted her to". But he's dead, so he would never know...

Alright so, another patient of hers comes into the doc's office and asks her to hypnotize him. She's super hesitant because the police chief warned her that if she did that again she would be arrested. But she's like f*** the police I'm gonna do it anyway! So she puts this guy under, and he says the same thing about the owl that Bill/Tom said, which is now very clearly an alien that can shape shift into a cute little owl. It like possesses his brain and makes him do the Macarena every night, and he's pissed about it. 

The doc tells him to not tell the po-po, and the patient leaves. Then the dumb receptionist gives the doc a tape recorder and is all, there is another voice on here that isn't yours doc! And shuffles out of the room crying (she's a lil overweight and a huge scardy cat). 

So the doc listens to the tape and there's a voice on there in some ancient language, so she gets a professional to decipher it, and he's like, I can only make out some words, and it's basically saying "I am God" and will "take over the world and destroy you" or some crap like that. Its all fuzzy and hard to hear. Also it's mainly vowel sounds, so it kind of sounds like a Creed song. 

So now the doc is like really freaked out because the recording is of her being abducted, and she is like WTF when was I abducted? Honestly, at this point, I'm like if you can't remember anything, maybe that's a good thing? 

Then the second patient who got hypnotized from her calls and is like I'm a huge frady-cat and can't get out of bed because of that damn owl. So she goes over to his house and hypnotizes him again (you would think she would of learned that by now this is a bad idea, but that dumb hairdo is probs making her forget shit). So she puts him under and he levitates and gets paralyzed or something, and the police chief is like alright lady you are under house arrest. No more funny psycho mumbo-jumbo! She's like alright fine. 

Then that night her blind daughter is abducted and the doc freaks out, like is crying waaaay too much and shit. Her son is taken away because lets face it, this doc is crazy. And now she decides to "go under hypnosis" to contact the aliens and beg for her daughter back (who is still blind, and they probs could fix that so I would be okay with them taking her). Obviously she doesn't get her daughter back because even they recognize a crazy mom when they see one. 

Then she goes crazy and lives in a wheel chair for the rest of her life. Her son never talks to her either, so that probs was a good choice on his part. How he turned out normal after living with her is mind-blowing. 

The End!

Thursday Farmers & Beers

I like that I can pull out some sweatshirts now for fall, but it's not too cold yet. We always sit outside at our usual restaurant on Thursday nights for some huge beers (40oz for $4? That's it?!) and some delish Mexican food. The problem with great weather? Everybody else also wants to sit out on the patio. So with this fall chill coming on I'm hoping it will drive some people away from our regular spot. We like to also people watch all the Farmers Market peeps. Kids on leashes! Large tourists in khaki spandex! Weird teenagers in weirder outfits! I'm not selling it very well--it's highly entertaining! Ill try to post some of my faves on IG (@hanmyvan), if I can get away with taking sneaky pics. Have a good night boos! 

PS this sweatshirt is from Forever21 and is perfect for these transitional days. Lightweight but effective, and covered in sequins! All necessary requirements in my book. 

Braids and NYFW

This has been my mantra for the past two weeks. (So dramatic!)

I always wanted to be a fashion designer, but you know, practicality took over and I chickened out. So lame. But sometimes I think about the "what if", "what if" I had followed through with it? Where would I be now? 

Probably New York Fashion Week!

If you are looking for some great insider photos from this year's New York Fashion Week, check these links out: (I read these blogs regularly too) 

Barefoot Blonde

Gal Meets Glam

Cara Loren

Hey Natalie Jean (not too much NYFW, but a must read)

A Little Dash of Darling

The Man Repeller

Could I have that?

Have fun!

I don't have a new place yet, but I'm still celebrating

Well, it's a day to celebrate, at least to celebrate the little things. I'm telling you, I never thought I would like softball until last night, and I never thought I would even utter that phrase either. I'm not an athlete, at all. Cheerleading was the only activity I did in high school, and ballet on the side most of my life. So being on a "team", and "scoring points"--I had no idea what that felt like.

So. A lil background first. My boo and I just joined a young professionals group and signed up for their fall softball league. That's about it, they play every Tuesday night, and yeah.

We had a late game, and got to the field a lil early to warm up. For me that meant freezing, it's not very warm here at night. And that also meant chasing down balls my boo was throwing way past me. He can throw FAR. But once our coach/captain got there, he warmed us up by bringing beer. I was already liking playing softball if it included beer! I mean, come on, what other sport can you drink during? Bowling doesn't count!

I'll be honest, I really wasn't looking forward to playing 8 weeks of this. I didn't even want to be there for one game. I don't really understand it, and I can't play a ton of positions. I don't know how to hit, and did I mention I was freezing? So you get it.

But then we started playing, and we were really good! Right from the start, and my boo played so well! He's athletic, and I'm used to watching him play any assortment of games, football, basketball, etc, but damn he's good at softball too!

And then I have to actually play a position. I have to catch. Fuck. What am I doing?! There is no way in hell I can get this right. I can't even throw the ball back correctly (I was bowling it, I guess that's my default move?). I miss the ball that's thrown to me and the other team scores, although, to be fair, the throw was kinda way off. Like a few feet from home plate. So maybe no one is perfect?

The last inning comes around, and I'm pretty much ready to go to bed. But you know what? I'm actually having fun. So I put in a little bit more effort. Might as well end with a bang.

And I end up catching the game winning ball! Well, we would of won regardless, we were up by a few runs. It was the last out we needed to end the inning. But did I mention it was from outfield, coming at my face at top speed? I would of had to get some major dental work done if I had missed that throw! Plus I would of let my team down, etc.

So I like softball now, who knew. I sure didn't.

And the best part about it all? I didn't once think about the stress of finding a new place to live. That was a nice little two hour vacation. I really needed that.

I thought I would wear this today to enjoy our win. Isn't that what athletes do after a race? Winner! America!

Dream Apartment

Don't mind me, I'm just daydreaming about the coolest apartment ever (of course it's Paris apartments, I mean, come on). 

photos via my Pinterest

 One day, I'll have a place here! Right? Maybe? I think I need to switch careers...

Where is your dream apartment located?

Kittens and Ghosts and Cinnamon Bread

Well, after the worst week ever, we realized we needed some major cheering up. So we went to the Animal Shelter and played with 50 kittens. They were the perfect dose of adorableness.

My new buddy.

We are trying to find a new apt/house that allows pets, because if you can't stay where you are, you might as well make the most of your next move, right? Right.

We had a late lunch at this great place by Target, it's got a huge menu. The really cool thing is that the menu never stays the same, so you never know what you are going to get until you go. It's an adventure to say the least. You also get bit sized-amounts of everything, so you don't fill up on just one. It's called Costco samples, have you ever heard of it? It's pretty crowded on Saturdays, but if you don't get a shopping cart then you can usually get through easily. And the best part? You only have to pay for an annual membership, and all the samples are free!

We may have taken more than on sample each--don't tell, snitches get stitches remember.

Then it was a marathon of Ghost Adventures. That show is just the best sometimes. It's ridiculous and awesome at the same time, do you know what I mean? The guys who host it are very goofy and dorky, but they have such a passion for "hunting the unknown" that it makes you want to watch just to see them jump. I may have been a little scared after the second episode, not gonna lie. But it didn't help that my boo kept scaring me either.

Ghost Adventures Face

I also made some cinnamon sugar bread, and it's DELICIOUS.

Can't you tell? No? Oh this isn't the finished product, my B.

I am currently devouring a slice. I don't have any photos, sorry boos. (I'm not really a food-photo person though, so don't get your hopes up).

And now its back to reality. We are still looking for a place, and we are still stressed out incredibly. I really need a vacation from responsibility. I'm thinking Hawaii.

I'm saying UNCLE

Ok 2013, you win.

You are the better fill-in-the-blank. You are more amazing than me at everything. I lose.

Please, stop punching me in the face now.


The confetti is settling. The parade has ended. And it's about time, really. I don't know how much more of this roller coaster of a year I can take. The icing on the cake? Getting evicted this week. Our landlady wants to renovate, and she can't do that with us pesky tenants occupying her building, even if we are paying her crazy high rent on time every month.

So. There you have it. We are looking for an apartment in a city that is currently being flooded with college students. Perfect timing.

Yesterday we had our hopes set medium-high. We had three apartments lined up to tour. And all three were complete disasters. Smaller than advertised, out of the way more than advertised, and gross/smelly/run down more than advertised.

Really? Nothing worked out?

No, I'm lying and everything is super fabulous unicorn pony. I'm getting my face painted right now to celebrate.

See?

photo HERE

Super happy lucky charms awesome sauce.

A.C.O.D.

This film is getting a bit of hype right now. I have to say though, I'm hesitant to watch it. I think it will bring up some truths. Like things that I dread, mainly. Being a child of divorce really sucked. But being an adult of divorce? It's a whole nother ball game, friends. Its really weird, in a vague nutshell. And I have always wished for that perfect nuclear family. Like, perfect to a fault. It's bad guys, real bad. 

But then again, I would of turned out to be a giant frady-cat, afraid to even stand up in front a small audience, or kill a spider. Also, I would be fiercely dependent on my parents, which is super lame. I would definitely still be on my parent's cell phone plan! Haha! And I would suck at lying. (Sorry mom/dad/principles 1, 2, and 3 at high school/bus driver/Mcdonald's worker). 

So watch the trailer and see for yourself. Are you an A.C.O.D.? #TeamACOD, we need shirts.

Back to reality

We are finally back from our So Cal adventures these past two weeks, and there are some good and bad things that come with our return.

The downside: constant construction.

Jackhammer outside my office window for most of the morning. (I hope whoever stole my headphones is enjoying their sound-canceling effects.):

What we came home to yesterday. Apparently there is a leak downstairs and our landlord thought it was coming from inside our walls. We had no idea about any of this, by the way. I really hate renting:

The good side to coming back to reality? I really like routine, so I guess that's what I'm looking forward to. Call me crazy, but routines are the best thing ever. They are comfortable, predictable, and perfect. I moved around a lot as a kid (17 different homes! Yikes!), so I just like staying put sometimes now. I'm a home-body for sure. I really like planning out my weeks in advance too, like writing it all down in a day planner. Is that weird? Whatevs, I just love it! Bring on the color-coding!!

I also realized that whenever I travel, I instantly make my hotel room feel just like my home. I set it all up, and take a few minutes to really get comfy. After all, vacationing is about being relaxed, isn't it?

The boo's softball game is tonight, and I can't wait to sit on my butt and watch. Then go to Chipotle probably, then watch some TV and have a glass of wine. Nice and predictable, just how I like it!

(Watch my night be total chaos, haha.) 

Finally able to write and a theory about stall locks (hear me out!)

My wrist has finally been feeling better (it's a long story, old injury, blah blah blah) so I can write again! Woo hoo! Not that I have anything in particular to write about... hmmm lets see here...

I recently read this article, and it got me thinking about how some people just get addicted to social media and technology. (My sister is the worst, she spends about 5-6 hours a day on social sites, and she's 12...yeah).

But who cares right? Really, it's not that big of a deal in the scope of big deals...

This weekend I went to a wedding for one of my college friends. He's a really nice guy, and it was nice to see everyone, espesh my besty-boo!! Miss that girl.

We didn't get any photos though! Of course, we always say we are going to take a million pictures and then never do. But whatever, it was a great time, we drank way to much (but could of drank more I'm sure if it wasn't a cash bar!) and danced until our feet begged us to stop. Literally, my dogs were barking.

So then I got to thinking, as usual, when I drive 4+ hours while my boo sleeps in the passenger seat. I have a theory about bathroom stall locks. Wait! Hear me out:

You can literally, immediately, tell who designed the ladies room stall doors by the type of lock that is installed. Is it a push through lock that doesn't budge? Or what about those turny-nubby locks that always fall out when someone even slightly closes the stall door next to you? Or what about the location of the lock--does your purse hit it just at the right place to unlock it?

See? TONS of options and questions here!

Since I work at an architecte firm (I'm not an architect though), I decided to ask around about what the fu*k is up with these dumb, sub-quality locks that keep me on my toes while I pop a squat.

Theory: All good stall locks are thanks to women designers/architects. All crappy, flimsy, barely lockable locks are designed by men.

Results? The men in the office didn't even know this was an issue at all. They also didn't know about the mini tampon/pad trash can in each stall either. So, I guess I rest my case?

Bottom Line: TO ALL MALE ARCHITECTS/DESIGNERS/BATHROOM PLANNERS: Please, please, please pay attention to these details. Your mother/daughter/aunt/girlfriend/wife/sister/whatever will love you soooo much more for this very small contribution to women's restrooms!

And also a side note, did you notice that once you get into a stall with a shaky, wimpy lock that someone always, without a doubt, slams the stall door right next to you? Like it's a now-or-never, I-will-pee-my-pants-if-I-don't-sit-down-right-now type of rush? It's inevitable I tell ya. Inevitable.

So that's what I did this weekend!

Now what I did capture a la my iPhone:


Friday at beer:thirty at work--we classed it up a bit with some Riesling from Tolosa Winery:

My lil Holga film camera! (That never saw the light of day) And the purse I brought to the wedding:

Last week we had some cool looking foggy sunsets, so obvi I had to document them:

Cool right? I wish it was just a little warmer at night though...

Anna Wintor is my kind of woman

Once July/August roll around every year, talk about Vogue's September Issue magazine begins. It seeps into the mainstream news, and even comes up in the daily broadcasts here in this dumb little beach town. And there is always one thing that everyone says: 

Anna Wintor is a scary person

She's crazy

I think I would be afraid of her

She is intimidating

Anna has no emotions

etc, you get the point.

So last year, I decided to take things into my own hands and give this documentary, The September Issue, a shot to see if what people were saying was actually true. A true documentary will try to stay as unbiased as possible, and since I have a weakness for such films, it was an obvious choice to watch it. 

And you know what? Anna isn't scary at all. 

Yeah, I know right? Crazy realization! There isn't anything scary about her. Yes, she is strict with details and deadlines, but that's what her job demands. She just does her job, and doesn't really take any crap from people. She seems like a very professional person, to me. Maybe I have a little mean streak, or maybe the world is (still) afraid of powerful women. I know that if she were a man this would never be an issue. At all. Mr. Wintor would be praised for being this shrewd and harsh. Gender bias is alive and well my friends!! But I'm getting off topic a little...

The person who really bugged me was the creative director, Grace Coddington. Can we say adult temper tantrum? I haven't seen an adult whine that much since I worked in Hollywood, and even then I haven't seen anything come close to Grace's meltdown. Get over yourself Grace! Anna is making choices based on professional standings, not personal ones. Not everything you photograph is amazing! 

So there you have it. I really liked Anna after this documentary, and I'm glad I didn't let people's biased opinions get in my way of making an assumption about her. Everyone deserves a chance to show what they are truly made of, and this documentary was perfect in doing just that for Anna. Although, I think the people that still find her intimidating don't know when they see a true professional woman, but that's just my professional opinion. Don't go Grace on me. 

If you still haven't seen it, it's on Netflix. Give it a shot and hey, if you still think she's scary, I would love to hear your intelligently crafted argument in the comments below. 

Here's the trailer: 

Don't be scared boos.

Jail Time

Ok I'm not going to jail, but I just started watching that new Netflix series, Orange is the New Black, and it's really good! It made me think...

I started wondering if I could survive in prison for a full year. I'd be in my big coke-bottle glasses, since I'm pretty sure contacts wouldn't be an option. And those showers look pretty grimy, that might be a tough one to get over. But, what would I do to pass the time? It seems like one long day, or event, that just drags on endlessly. I would have to sleep in my glasses, just to make sure nothing happened to them. Talk about paranoid. 

I wonder who I would talk to, and who I would avoid. I wonder if I would even have the option of avoiding people, after all, it's pretty crowded in those places.

When would I see the sun too? Would I get "free time" or whatever it's called? What if that's just not an option and I stay inside for an entire year? That would suck, to never see the sun.

What about those dark nights when sleep just doesn't bother to come, would I just lay awake, staring at the ceiling until the lights click on?

I wonder what I would be like afterwards? Could I go back to my usual routine? What if I never could go back, and was perpetually stuck in "prison mode"?

How would you explain to people that think you are an alright citizen that you actually did time? I wonder what my family would think, and what I would make up instead of telling the whole truth (because lets be honest, I wouldn't tell my grandma every detail).

I wonder what I would have done to get myself in that situation. I hope nothing that would haunt me forever...


Speaking of crimes, have I ever mentioned the time I was in a Rite Aid that was robbed? It wasn't like held up at gun point or anything that organized, just a crazy dude stealing some boozes and getting tackled right next to me. I remember the liquor was Jack Daniels, it smelled almost immediately after it smashed onto the yellow linoleum floor, like a stink bomb. Two security guards took him down, but he managed to wriggle free, and ran around the store.  They caught up with him mid-lap, and threw him down hard onto the cashier's station. I literally threw my cash down and bolted out of there--I wasn't about to become one of those people who freeze up during a conflict and becomes a fatal casualty of a drugged up thief. No way, no.

I don't know what happened after that. There wasn't anything in the news, but that's probably because the news doesn't really care about a simple attempted robbery at a Rite Aid in the middle of Long Beach. There are bigger fish to fry.

I just could never look at that Rite Aid the same again, nor any other one too.

Anyway, enough talk, here's some stuff from the weekend:


Record shopping at Captain Nemo's:

5K for Boston fund with DJDLee (still can't believe we ran the whole thing):

Our group of ladies (mid run pose obvi.):

So tired! It's like 8am-ish: 

Record wall lookin' good:

Hot blooded (my go-to karaoke song):

Thats it boos!