I usually don't like to admit when I'm wrong. Then again, I don't think anyone likes doing this very much.
But my way of thinking was all wrong. From unmotivated, stagnant, and just downright depressed, I got stuck in a rut. A big ol' rut of self doubt.
This past month though, something happened. I'm not sure if it was the fact that everything in my life kind of fell apart (mainly that my hubs didn't get this huge job opportunity that would of changed our lives forever), or that I finally can laugh at the situation instead of feel like I'm drowning in it. Or maybe I'm going crazy (trust me, I thought this at first). But I just kept on this positive attitude kind of by accident, and while it hasn't been easy, I've felt better about my daily decisions, and I've seen results because of this shift in perspective. So I'm going to jot it all down in hopes someone out there needs a boost too.
Marzee is always in weird positions, cats man.
On fitness:
For the longest time I wanted to be skinny, and I know part of this is my poor body image issue that made me skip meals in high school (I don't do this anymore). But I always think I still need some improvements. I feel pressure to stay thin from everywhere, as I'm sure every other woman does thanks to our terrible culture. I know I've mentioned
Tone It Up before, but after joining their online community, I finally feel like my poor body image is solvable. Every single woman on there struggles with it, and there is always someone picking them up to tell them they are perfect the way they already are. So I decided to make this shift at the gym. I got tired of being depressed after not getting in all my cardio, or because I ate too many carbs one day and felt bloated by dinner time. I now want to be as strong as I can be. That means doing more lifting, interval training, and circuits, and less straight cardio. At first I thought I was bound to gain weight (I'm at a healthy 110lbs at 5'2", ps), but to my surprise, I started to see some muscle definition/toning instead. I now look forward to this gym time to push my strength more each day. It seems like such a simple change, and I can't believe it took me this long to do it!
On recalls:
Sometimes GM decides your car is a deathtrap. And sometimes it takes them close to 6 months to ship out replacement parts to your town, making it virtually impossible for you to drive anywhere. But the plus side? I now know the bus route by my place much better, I've saved on gas, and I've realized how much of a privilege it is to have a car in the first place. And I've made new friends with the auto repair shuttle drivers. We may or may not fist bump when we see each other now.
On beauty:
Okay, well I'm still working on this, but I do think the
makeup capsule is helping. Last night I found myself much more relaxed than usual. I had hot cocoa, and just sank into my couch, it was such a good feeling! I had just cancelled my Birchbox and Ipsy accounts, and while I thought I'd be bummed, I found that I wasn't. I actually felt relieved. And I think in a really silly way it's due to me putting less stress on makeup. While I like trying new samples, I love that I'm taking a break from it all, and focusing on just the basics of my beauty routine. It's weird, but try doing a makeup capsule too and see if you feel the same way.
On career:
Taking steps towards being an independent/freelance writer has lit a fire under me! I have been so much happier every week knowing I'm trying to further my career goals rather than just plugging away at my daily boring office job. Even though the progress is slow, I'm still pushing forward. I'll write an update on this at the end of each moth if you want to check out my progress.
While this isn't everything, it's a huge part of my shift to a better attitude. I don't always have good days, I've had a couple of really bad ones actually. But for the most part, I'm feeling so much better. I also understand that I'm not dealing with anything major in my life right now, and that sometimes you need to let yourself feel sad/angry/frustrated to get through this event. But if you are just stuck in a rut like me, I hope at least one point in this post helps you.
xo HM
